Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
