I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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