3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
