Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
