butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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