I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
