I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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