It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
