is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
