the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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