got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
