All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
