i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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