so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
don't judge my taste in strippers
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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