Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
