Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dignity is for republicans.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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