i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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