And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
