So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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