im six kinds of drunk right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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