I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
