im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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