my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
