Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
