last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
false alarm, still single
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