I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
