Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
