While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
