this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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