How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
