I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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