cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
