I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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