Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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