It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drake has all the answers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
