making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
