Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
