i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
