too bad you live with your parents still
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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