dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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