She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
