nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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