Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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