I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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