I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
