Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
