I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
