I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
