you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
