Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
