I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
