I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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