Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You can't special order awesome
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
