I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
